Sunday, August 24, 2014

I’m Not Perfect

The evening was cool, though it wasn’t calm. Someone was going far away from me and that too without smiles on our faces. It was hard to agree with the fact that we’ll no longer belong to one another. Blame to me, I pelted stones to our peaceful nest and disturbed the happy birds. Yes, I did it all. I know I’d many mistakes in my life. Some were hard to digest. Some consumed me alive. Other mistakes were that I should’ve never done. Well, anyway I did mistakes in my life. I should blame myself, just like everyone does for being human being. But, many times I failed to realize my mistakes and apology wasn’t just my frequent word I uttered.
This time, yet again I made mistake and it took its toll on me, shattering my dreams and drowning me into perpetual pain. As a matter of fact, I should’ve never realized my mistakes and that my arrogance would’ve ruled me, but somehow miracle happened within me that prompted me to feel guilty and ever since, apology haunted the tranquility of my mind. I’ve always thought, saying sorry was not in my genes, but I indeed felt sorry for her.
I wanted to apologize her and sort our differences. I waited for her to come. She wasn’t coming. Yet, I waited for her. Even if she wasn’t going to accept my apology, I was to see her for the last time before she goes far away from me, never to meet again like we always did. It was dark and the time was striking 8pm. I was cold and alone, praying that she would come as soon as possible.
Yes! Finally she came. Thanks to her. I became warm and smile appeared across my face. But she was still angry. I knew she should be. I have done things I shouldn’t have done to her. I’ve said words I shouldn’t have mentioned to her. Regret was within me but there was no way I could take back and modify. I just wished if I could edit those words and say it again. I wished if I could rewind those things I’ve done to her and do it all over again. But I knew that wish would just remain as a wish.
Nevertheless, I have decided to fall over her knees and apologize to her for my greatest mistakes I’ve done. And I did. I really did. That itself made me happy. I never thought that I would fall on knees. I did and I was happy that I could finally accept my mistakes and for asking her the chance to improve. I was that I finally said sorry. Just like I accepted her apology sometimes, I thought she would forgive me too. There was little doubt that she would never forgive my mistakes and that evening I was there facing the reality when she didn’t accept my apology and simply walked away leaving me once again in the hands of cold August night.
I know its fine with me. She has told me many times that she would never forgive me. I just hope she wouldn’t remember my mistakes. That would fulfill my half aspirations and I know something is always better than nothing. That would reduce the volume of salt on my wounds. That would simply let me rest in peace. And that would sprout a smile on my face.
I wanted to call her not because I want to start all over again, but because I want to let her know that I’m happy for her choice of path of leaving me and that for she finally learned to live without me. I picked my phone. My heart got clenched and fingers became numb. Wry eyes kept staring at her number and there was no way I could press that damn green button. Time was passing so fast. Memories getting diluted and pain are intensifying.
I don’t know why but it always happens to me. Now, when she has already moved on why I still linger in my past cherishing the happy memories of me and her. Why I’m unable to move on? Why on earth I’ve to struggle? I did mistakes, I do mistakes and I’ll do mistakes. Because I’m just a normal human being and I’m not perfect!

Don't You Love Me Still?

She loved me, cared me and trusted me. But I was selfish. I was so mean.
I left her crying alone, hurt. 
I saw her eyes brimming with tears but still it sparkled like night stars as she walked away.
I was empty and drunk. There was nothing I could do then.
As I stared her walk away, I felt the painful rhythm on my chest.
Yet there was no way I could rewind.
After a month, I met her again. She is pretty same as before. She still looks gorgeous.
I remembered our past. She reminded me, how I met her. She reminded everything of her and me......Our Love
Why I left her? Why I was so cruel to her?
Ever since I left her, I was lonely, life was doomed and nothing went right.
But how will I tell her?How I'll tell her that I want to spend rest of my life with her?
Will she accept me again? Do I need to reborn?

Saturday, May 31, 2014

The pang of fractured family

I don’t remember how I reached my village.
The happiness had surpassed the difficulties of voyage
Down the mending farm road under the scorching sun of June
I found dragging trolley bag with the sound in tune. 
As soon as I caught glimpse of my little home,
I couldn’t help but felt the air welcome.
The smell of my childhood wafted up to greet me
A single storeyed-building of stones and mud had worn out.
The CIG roof had faded its luster.
Yet there was that undefined happiness of being home.
I started to sprint toward the facade of my house.
I practically ran toward the door.
It was the moment of real happiness.
But, there was no one to greet me.
Mom and dad weren’t there smiling and greeting me
Yet, I ignored the fact of any surprise
I burst through the front door.
I saw mom bent over the living room
I smiled and let the smile talk
But, she was crying frantically.
As soon as she saw me, she merely dried her eyes with her shirt.
I let my breath out slowly and drew another as deep as my lungs would allow.
She looked up at me and forced a brief smile.
That smile was heart breaking.
It didn’t shine.
It didn’t bring me joys.
My heart clenched for a moment.
Something was really wrong.
There was something wrong.
I could see in that smile.
I could feel that wrongness.
The same fear I’d felt as a child suffocated my senses.
It must be a fight between mom and dad.
She feigned preoccupied cleaning the room.
I looked around and walked toward my room.
Walls were sordid.
A single bulb covered in soot glowed dimly.
I threw my bags on the wooden floor with a thud. 
I grew so overwhelmed with what’s happening that I couldn’t express anything at all.
My mind couldn’t register anything.
Mom wiped off my tears and hers.
She gingerly ruffled my hair.
I swiveled and wept.
I could hear her exasperation.
She’d had cried gallon of tears.
Her eyes were puffy with sleep.
Her grey hairs were tied on the nape of her neck.
She slowly pulled herself away.
And she wiped off her tears.
I looked at her with a sign of feeling solace by her comforting words.
Her rosy cheeks of yore had wrinkled.
Her brown eyes were swollen.
I looked at mom with rueful glance and wiped off her tears.
I lay on the floor dreading the thought of what the next couple of days had in store for us.
I was tired of long journey.
Tears whirled up around the corners of my eyes and it blurred my vision.
I stood up and walked toward the window.
The day was clear.
There was trace of hopes of clouds hovering across the mountains.
The lush maize plants were dancing in the light summer breeze.
Even the fractured maize plants rustled in the breeze.
There was a sign of mending the broken family.
The only peach tree had grown old with branches fallen down.
There were hopes and hopelessness sandwiched within the hamburger of my mind.
I jumped onto my bed and lay in prone.
Hot tears rolled down wetting my only thin blanket.
I couldn’t think of being a victim of broken family.
I wasn’t just prepared for the fractured family.
But, now I’m a victim of broken family enduring the emotional pain

I’m bearing the bruising wounds and the psychological scars!!!    

Thursday, May 29, 2014

"Your beauty is the strongest brew..."

I'm intoxicated by your brew
Who brewed your beauty?
Can't intrigue my inebriation anymore
In my drunken stupor
Want to lavish you with my love

This heart of flesh and blood
Though is within me
It beats only for you
My crazy heart is breaking

Your eyes like the pearl
Sparkle in the darkness
Your gaze so real
Like the ocean of calmness

In my hearts’ alter
You, the golden vessel
Of faithful mind
Be filled with the offering

The eyes of perfect vision
Though is on my face
It sees only you
Sees you, even with eyes closing

Your lips like the rose petal
Embraces sweet nectar
Your thorns so fatal
Like the perilous vector

I'd stowed away my lopsided love
Show me solace to assuage misery

And make me yammer phew!
Your beauty is the strongest brew…

Graduates anticipate confirmation on doing away with preliminary examination

Will RCSC conduct PE this year? Or did PDP do away with PE? What’s bustling between the NEW government and NEW commissioners of Royal Civil Service Commission? These are the questions silently doing round among the graduates yearning to appear for 2014 BCSE. Yet we aren't definite of it and trace of confusion is still lingering in our perturbed minds.
As the year of horse racing too fast, there is grist to the mill churning out rumors that PDP had dropped Preliminary Examination from this year. An authentic concern among university graduates about whether the PE would be conducted this year or not after PDP had promised to do away the PE since last year had plagued the fresh graduates in dilemma of preparing for PE or main exam. It’s bugged me the whole time.
A round of hearsay had permeated among the fresh graduates expressing that PDP had dropped PE. While few are still pensive that PE would be conducted this year. Unfortunately, I fell into the vortex of latter.
With almost a year since PDP formed second democratic government, one of their pledges of 100 Days in office is yet to be confirmed as fulfilled. And when government declares the long pending pledge as accomplished, especially graduates like me would peacefully decide to prepare for BCSE.
Last year, PDP government was unable to do away with PE exam due to the time constraint. PDP government had ensured that PE is not required from this year to give equal opportunity to the graduates. While some graduates deem that PE shouldn't be dropped, others expect that the PDP government must fulfill their pledges. Though, I personally was against the doing away with the PE.

The PDP manifesto says: “We will do away with preliminary exams before the Civil Service Board Exams for entry to the civil service for university graduates.”

Kolkata Bhutanese Students Association presidential election 2014

In a presidential election held at Bhutan house lawn on Saturday, Bhutanese students elected Namgay Dorji as new president.
He secured 91 votes and won by 13 votes out of total 169 votes. His pledges were to organize a trip to Bodh Gaya and support the patients admitted to hospitals.
President contestant, Rabten was sure of losing election and turnout to be same with 78 votes. Yet Ngawang, 2nd year BA-LLB thought Rabten was more capable as far the pledges and speech was concerned but couldn't say why Rabten lost.
Rabten pledged to create website for BSA, organize drug campaign and the blood donation campaign were of both the president contestants' pledges.
For north local chapter, only one candidate contested and won the post of VP getting 37 'yes' votes out of 41 votes. Two candidates contested from south local chapter for VP. Karma Jigme won from south securing 70 votes of total 128 votes. Karma Jigme was tensed and sure that he'll lose but the declaration of result shocked him.
This year five candidates were in fray for BSA elections. Two candidates were vying for the post of president and 3 for vice president from north & south local chapters. Unlike last year, this year there was no women candidates for the BSA elections.
With the fund of one lakh and eleven thousand, BSA organized gathering at Bhutan house for elections and a dinner. The program was supposed to start strictly by 11 AM, with cultural programs supported by "Druk events" but the program started very late. Students struggled under the scorching sun of April waiting for the programs to start.
Yet, Sangay tenzin enjoyed the cultural programs especially the dance by a group of beautiful girls.
Few students hoped of the "Farewell event" as said by former president but turnout to be a jam up session with very light drinks.
I personally felt the event wasn't satisfactory considering the fund BSA Kolkata got from Ministry and the BSA executives spent on the event. I hope they have other great functions to organize with the fund left. We are looking forward for the best BSA Kolkata...

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I’m a lonely boy...

Tring! Tring! It’s 9:00 AM
All ready for college
Well dressed with perfect make-up
Walks to the lecture hall
I join them in the class

They giggle with rhythmic smiles
Play like little kids
Laugh over silly things
Fight for nothing
I smile with the sweet loneliness

Library flocked with couples
Chatting with the pretext of studying
Friends gathered for cooling over A.C
Piles of books left untouched
I flipped few over the corner

Couples decided for a date
Crisps off the gate
Friends planned for movies
Bunks to the cinema hall
I remain inside the locked room

Phone calls over here
Busy talking over the phone
Sms over there
Sending unlimited messages
I listen to music on my phone